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With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to
help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these helpful
hints this and every year. |
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When it appears that you have killed the
monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. |
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Never read a book of demon summoning
aloud, even as a joke. |
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Do not search the basement, especially
if the power has gone out. |
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If your children speak to you in Latin or any other
language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save
you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak
with somebody else's voice. |
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When you have the benefit of numbers,
NEVER pair off and go alone. |
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As a general rule, don't solve puzzles
that open portals to Hell. |
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Never stand in, on, or above a grave,
tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. |
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If you're searching for something which
caused a loud noise and find out that it's not just the cat, GET OUT! |
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If appliances start operating by
themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. |
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Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. |
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If you find a town, which looks deserted,
there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around. |
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Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology
unless you're sure you know what you're doing. |
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If you're running from the monster,
expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also
note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. |
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If your companions suddenly begin to
exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, fascination for blood,
glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately. |
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Stay away from certain geographical
locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street,
Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),
anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine. |
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If your car runs out of gas at night on
a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for
help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought
you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway,
and most likely be eaten. |
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Beware of strangers bearing tools. For
example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives,
combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any
devices made from deceased companions. |
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If you find that your house is built
upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also
applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed
suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed
satanic practices. |
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Dress appropriately. When investigating a
noise downstairs in an old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee.
And carry a flashlight, not a candle. |
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Do not mention the names of demons around
open flames, as these can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of
fireplaces in this regard. |
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Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside. |
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HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN! |
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